the battles that we fight
by beyond-the-twilight
Summary: In which I write a number of drabbles about a number of pairings. Sometimes, their timing is all wrong and their paths don't cross at the right time or they aren't brave enough to take a chance and they're left with their fingers crossed, praying that things will eventually fall into place. Other times, everything is competely and utterly perfect. Warning - contains femslash


**A/N: I do not own Victorious. I'm just a teenage girl trying out a new writing style on a multitude of different pairings.**

* * *

_cat/tori_

sometimes, she watches the redhead, her head cocked to the side as she tries to unravel the mystery that is cat valentine.

"what's that supposed to mean?", the redhead cries and she finds herself wanting to wipe away her tears.

(her pretty, shimmering tears).

she glares at robbie when he gets too close and single-handedly tries to eliminate all the competition for cat's heart. late at night, she reminds herself that she doesn't like girls. she's always dated boys; always _loved _boys and she knows that she still likes boys but she likes cat a little more. cat with hair the colour of red velvet cupcakes and stories that are just a little worrying and a laugh that sounds like bells.

so, one day she kisses cat and her heart leaps in her chest and my god, this must be what heaven feels like – clammy hands and racing hearts and lips that taste like strawberries.

then cat says

_what_

_was_

_that_

_supposed_

_to_

_mean_

_?_

and she just smiles, her heart still racing and says "red velvet cupcakes have always been my favourite" and kisses cat again.

trying to figure out the mystery that is cat valentine may just be her new favourite hobby.

* * *

_cat/robbie_

she finds out that he keeps cardboard cut outs of her and she doesn't know what to think. jade hisses that she'll make robbie wish he was never born if that's what she wants and tori just stands there wearing an ugly frown. she smiles at her two best friends but says that she'll deal with it herself.

(is it strange that she finds his obsession flattering?)

she walks up to him, hands on her hips, and tries to channel jade but she just can't do that to him because he looks so _scared_.

"cat, i'm sorry", he says and rex stays silent and really, without the puppet talking too, robbie's kind of cute.

she just smiles at him and kisses him on the cheek, laughing as he flushes under her touch. she walks away, a little bounce in her step and a wide smile on her face. she's not tori and she's not jade so she doesn't find the idea of robbie liking her gross.

it gives her butterflies.

see, robbie's nice to her and he tries to make rex be nice to her too and when he's not too busy, he helps her with her school work and she thinks that dating robbie wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. he's not mean like beck and jade are to each other and he doesn't pretend that he doesn't have feelings for her like both andré and tori do but according to her 'friends', dating robbie would be the worst thing in the world so she keeps her feelings to herself and pretends that the nerdy boy with glasses and a puppet that says everything he's too afraid to voice is just another one of the group.

sometimes, she finds herself buying a new blue dress because she knows blue is his favourite colour and she keeps jelly babies in her bra because those are his favourites but she doesn't tell anyone that he gives her butterflies.

she's cat and he's robbie and they're just friends.

she can feel his eyes on her when he thinks no one is watching and at night when she's writing in her journal, she scribbles his name in the margins, followed by love hearts drawn in her pink pen that smells like strawberries.

and right before she falls asleep, she thinks to herself that they're the greatest thing that could have been.

* * *

_beck/tori_

she's the queen and he's the only boy worthy of being her king and isn't this the way fairytales are supposed to go?

and so what if their relationship is made up of a series of almosts and might have beens? so what if her fairytale prince loves the wicked witch? there's always a problem that needs to be solved because the road to true love is never easy.

their first kiss is done to spite his girlfriend and although she did it to prove a point, she finds herself falling in love a little right there on the spot because his lips are so soft against hers and his hair is so fluffy and she can see everything that they could be but can't be right now.

and she sings and acts her way to hollywood arts popularity and pretends that she's not a little bit in love with beck oliver because their relationship is made up of stolen moments. she brings him lemonade when they have a class together (one that doesn't contain jade) and they speak online every night and she never really notices that she's only allowed to love the golden boy when jade west isn't around.

(she only ever _alive _when jade west isn't around)

and if jade gets beck, then she's going to take _everything _else and she does so with glee, taking all the leads and all the songs and hoping that one day it'll be enough for beck… hoping that one day, it'll make him love her back.

somewhere along the line, she and jade kinda-sorta become friends and she may be a lot of things, but she's not the kind of girl who backstabs one of her friends over a boy (that thing with cat and daniel was a one-time thing and she's learnt her lesson) so she puts away her feelings for beck in a little box and pretends they were never really there.

she stops buying him lemonade and she appears offline at least a couple of times a week so that she doesn't have to talk to him and falling in love with beck oliver was as easy as breathing but falling out of love with him is the hardest thing she's ever done but she does it because she's tori vega and she can do anything she puts her mind to and she acts as if the beautiful boy who sits next to her in english class doesn't hold the key to her heart.

(they graduate high school and she becomes a _star _and they don't speak again until their ten year reunion and he's married to jade and it doesn't bother her as much anymore – because she's beaten jade in every other way that it counts – but he pulls her to one side and brushes his hair back from his eyes and if she was still a teenage girl, she would have swooned…

and he says "isn't it funny?"

and she just tilts her head to one side because she doesn't understand.

"i'm married to jade and you're famous and for a while, i kinda thought the story would end differently" he rambles, his eyes intense and she finally understands what he's trying to say.

(hey tori, did you ever think about you and me and how great we could have been?)

she just smiles at the boy she used to (and will always) love and shakes her head. "i think the story ended perfectly", she tells him and isn't she grown up? look at her, letting go of the fairytale she's clung to for years.

so she turns and walks away but she can't resist turning around to say one last thing to beck oliver.

"but maybe it ends differently in another life".

(maybe he becomes the king to her queen and they live happily in a fairytale castle and she sings their children lullabies to help them get to sleep and wouldn't that be the greatest story of them all?)

* * *

_robbie/tori_

he runs into her at his local sushi bar four years after they've graduated and he does a double take. she's still beautiful but there's a spark missing from her eyes and she doesn't quite look like the tori vega he was friends with four years ago. he buys her dinner and she laughs at his jokes and he manages to get her number and it's everything he dreamed of in high school but was never lucky enough to get.

he calls her the next morning and she reprimands him for being a little too eager but he doesn't care because he's talking to a girl who he's always had a little bit of a crush on and she's not acting completely disgusted to hear from him.

(he knew it was a good idea to get rid of rex).

he asks her out for lunch the next day and she says yes but that it's not a date, simply two friends catching up. he tells her that he has no interesting in dating her either and that it's just nice to see someone from high school again.

(and so what if he's lying about wanting to date her? little white lies never hurt anyone).

he buys lunch despite her protests and there's still something a little bit off about her but he can't quite put his finger on it until he asks her what she's been doing since high school and her face kind of pales.

"i auditioned for a couple of years but i was never given any parts so i _kindofjustgaveup_", she tells him and she looks so disappointed that he feels his heart constrict in his chest.

_she_

_failed_

_to_

_make_

_it_

_shine_

cat's on broadway and beck stars in movies and jade writes, directs and acts in indie films and andré is a signed recording artist and he works in special effects and they all managed to achieve their dreams except the girl who everyone thought would be a star.

"it's not like you to give up", he reminds her, remembering the girl who beat his score in tech theatre after just a couple of days of extensive studying.

"correction: it wasn't like _high school _tori to give up", she says with a small chuckle before changing the topic and he lets her because he doesn't really know what to say.

she kisses him on the cheek after lunch and he walks back to his apartment, his head filled with thoughts about the new and more jaded tori vega until he comes up with the perfect way to fix what time has broken. he talks to a couple of his contacts in the film industry and tracks down a role that tori would be great in and sends her the script and an audition time. he sits with his fingers crossed and at 3.13pm, there's a knock on his door and a flurry of limbs as tori comes bursting into his apartment, a blur of excitement.

"thank you, thank you, thank you", she squeals, throwing her arms around him and squeezing tightly. "for believing in me when no one else did; when i didn't even believe in me"

"i take it you got the part", he says with a smile and they both laugh because her happiness is contagious and she pulls away from him for just a second and there's something hidden in her eyes but he doesn't know what…

… until she kisses him.

and his dreams about kissing tori vega are nothing compared to the reality of kissing tori vega and this time (_finally) _his reality is better than his dreams and he never wants to stop kissing her.

"congratulations tori! you're finally going to make it shine", he tells her when they pull away to breathe and she kisses him again, laugh_ing softly against his lips. _

"_i owe it all to you"_

_(_and three years later, he asks her to marry him and even though she's a big star and could have anyone in the world, she says yes and he thinks that he's the luckiest guy on earth).

* * *

_beck/cat_

he breaks up with jade (for the last time) during their second year at college and everything _falls-a-part _because he hasn't loved anyone other than jadelyn west for _over _five years and he doesn't quite know how to do anything but be jade's boyfriend. for some unknown reason, cat chooses his side in the break-up but he thinks that's more to do with the fact that they're both still living in hollywood and jade's all the way in new york city.

she cooks him those amazing brownies and forces him to eat huge amounts of ice-cream and watch chick flicks because she insists that it's the only way to truly recover from a break-up. he's never been the kind of guy who likes making girls cry (and especially not cat) so he just plays his part in the story cat's written for them.

and when the boy finally gets the girl, cat turns to him and says "sometimes, i think movies get it _all _wrong"

he nods even though he doesn't really understand (he's never really understood anything cat has to say) but she seems to get that he's just trying to make her happy because she frowns and shakes her head at him and man, he feels like he's five years old and getting told off for taking the last cookie.

"see, the boy and the girl end up together and everyone's happy because that what they think real life is like but it's not. sometimes the girl doesn't get the boy or the boy is just a little too late", she explains and he waits for her to say more but she's finished with her thought as she turns her attention back to her ice-cream.

he doesn't know who she's talking about and he doesn't ask, assuming that if she wants him to know, she'll simply tell him because she's never been the kind of person who kept things to herself.

and he never thinks of the conversation again.

he lands a supporting role in a major blockbuster and his career kind of takes off over night and within a couple of years, he's walking the red carpet at an awards show he's nominated for and he's got a girl with hair the colour of red velvet cupcakes on his arm.

people scream his name and he introduces cat to all the reporters and he doesn't think he's ever been happier than in this moment. he has everything he ever wanted. he's famous and in love with cat valentine (and he's going to tell her tonight; he's going to ask her to be his girlfriend) and god, life has never looked so bright and shiny to him.

so he pulls her aside before they make their way to their seats and he tells her that he loves her and that he'd really like it if she would be _his _but she just sighs and shakes her head at him like she did two years ago, right after he broke up with jade, and it feels even worse this time around.

"_i can't"_, she tells him and he feels his heart splinter inside his chest because he's beck oliver and girls never, ever turn him down. "i'm sorry beck but _no_", she says and she really does look sorry but he doesn't care because all he can focus on is the sinking feeling in his stomach.

"well, i have to get to my seat before the show starts", he tells her, plastering a smile across his face and turning on his heel, he walks back into the main room.

he loses an award and his best friend that night and he's not sure which is worse (because he's not brave enough to admit that it was cat) and she leaves a voicemail on his phone whilst he's at the award ceremony, explaining that she's sorry but she's going to stay in new york for a while.

(and she may have picked him over jade the first time but it looks like jade won in the end because jade always wins and she never shares her prize and now jade has cat).

"sometimes, the boy is just a little too late", she whispers before she hangs up.

* * *

_andré/cat_

"hey little red"

"what's that supposed to mean?"

to their friends, that's the extent of their friendship. they hang out with the same group and sometimes they walk to class together and they're friends in a kind of half-hearted way because they don't really have another choice.

except they have one thing in common that no one else really knows about: they both know how it feels to love someone and not have them return those feelings.

he's loved his best friends girlfriend (and no matter how hard he tries, those feelings for jade just _won't_ go away) and he's always been a little bit in love with tori and cat is crushing on robbie while robbie is busy crushing on trina and man, their love lives are a mess. sometimes when it gets a little too much to handle, they skip lunch together and hang out in the black box theatre. he messes around on the keyboard and she sings whatever comes into her head and when they get sick of that, she shares the candy she keeps in her bra with him.

(and she always smiles when he avoids the jelly babies because he knows that those are for robbie).

one lunchtime, he's laughing at one of the stories about her brother and they both lean in and he presses his lips against hers and she doesn't push him away. they start hanging out together more often and he offers to drive her to school every day and he takes her home in the afternoon and they never really stop kissing even though they both love other people…

until he realizes that he doesn't love other people. he just loves _her. _cat with her crazy stories and her killer set of pipes and her laugh and that smile she sends his way because they have a secret.

and he thinks that this is the end of them because robbie's finally got his act together and realized that it's cat that he likes and although he may love the redhead, she's never said anything about loving him back.

"hey cat, do you want to go on a date with me this friday?" robbie asks and he groans as he realizes that he's lost yet another girl (tori, jade, _cat) _but cat becomes the first one to surprise him.

"i'm sorry robbie but i can't. i like someone else", she tells him, shrugging her shoulders and bounding away.

"hey little red", he calls, capturing her attention.

"what's that supposed to mean?" she says with a frown as she makes her way over to his side.

"it means that i love you"

* * *

_andré/beck_

"so, you love jade, huh?" beck asks him one day when they're sitting in the RV playing video games.

he doesn't deny it because beck's his best friend and he's always been able to see right through him.

"i get it man", beck says, pausing the game for a second and he can't breathe because beck never pauses video games, no matter what they're talking about. "once you get to know her, it's kind of impossible not to love jade. she's just special, you know".

the two of them are silent for a moment and he wants to promise beck that he's not going to try and steal jade; that he has no intention of ever acting on his feelings for the black-haired girl because beck and jade belong to each other in a way that no one else in the group quite understands.

"i love you more though", he says instead and beck just nods before unpausing the game.

(they never talk about it again).

* * *

_jade/tori_

it's after she and beck have broken up and before she stops waiting for tori and beck to start dating. she's sitting at home and she finds herself on tori's page on the slap and all of a sudden she just can't _breathe _because it's so exceedingly obvious that she can't believe that she hasn't seen it before.

tori's _beautiful_.

obviously, she's always known that tori is pretty. she's not blind. she's seen the way boys look at tori and she was always worried that beck would suddenly realize just how pretty tori vega truly was and leave her for the brunette but it's only just dawning on her just how incredibly _beautiful _the girl is.

with her long hair and her sparkly eyes and her infectious laugh and her pretty, pretty voice…

she's _beautiful_.

and she's tired of pretending that she doesn't notice. she's tired of hating tori. she's tired of pretending that the way her stomach twists when she sees tori is hatred; is tired of behaving like the brunette is her least favourite person in the world; is tired of acting like her eyes don't follow tori vega wherever she goes.

she always thought her jealously regarding beck and tori's friendship was because she didn't want to lose beck to tori but she's starting to realize that it isn't the case at all. her jealously was because tori's _beautiful _and she's always loved collecting beautiful things.

but she and beck just broke up and she doesn't make a habit out of crushing on her "enemies" so she shoves her feelings back down where they belong, exiting tori's slap page and pretending like she didn't just have a huge epiphany.

(but not before she sends tori a message – _don't tell anyone but yeah, we're kind of friends_).

* * *

_jade/cat_

cat valentine says that her hair is the colour of red velvet cupcakes and she cries when people disagree with her.

"your hair is the colour of blood", she tells cat, a smirk stretched across her lips.

and cat cries pretty little tears and looks like her world has just fallen apart at the seams and damn, she's never been all that good at helping when people are crying. normally she doesn't 's too stubborn to apologize (or to explain) so she pushes past the redhead and tries to ignore the little sniffles she can hear following her down the hallway.

(it was supposed to be a compliment).

because cat may be a little crazy but she's also her best friend and jade sometimes thinks that she could lose everyone else in the world (including beck) but still be okay as long as she had cat by her side.

and really, doesn't that say it all?

* * *

_jade/andré_

she knows about the harmless little crush he had on her back when she was trying to help him write his song because she's jade west and she always knows way too much about everyone at hollywood arts. hell, she even heard the original version of 365 days when she "borrowed" andré's laptop one day during her study period.

in a rare display of humanity, she was kind enough to not mention anything to andré or to beck, knowing it would cause way too much unnecessary drama, especially considering the fact that she doesn't have any of the same feelings...

... until beck didn't open the damn door.

after her brief period of mourning (which went on for way too long) she starts to notice andré as more than a friend. she found herself laughing at his stupid jokes and helping with his homework and on a couple of occasions, she even gave him a ride _in the middle of the day. _

(and she hates driving in the day).

so she puts together a plan and records a copy of the original version of 365 days because andré fell for her voice once and it's the only decent plan that she has and she e-mails it to him via the interweb and sits back and waits, her fingers crossed.

and when he approaches her in the hallway the next day, she's hoping that he'll kiss her and even though she'll never admit it, she's more than a little disappointed when he doesn't even _try _to press his lips against her.

"you're beck's ex-girlfriend, jade".

"_i know_".

"and he's my best friend".

"_i know_".

"so no matter how much i like you, we can't do this".

"_i know_", she lies because she doesn't want andré to see how much she's hurting right now. she lies because one of the reasons why she fell for andré was because he cared so damn much about his friends and she can't hate him for that now.

so instead, she hates beck oliver because she thinks andré could have made her happy (happier than she's ever been before) and stupid beck with his stupid hair and his stupid smile has taken that away from her.

(she'll never forgive him for that).

* * *

_jade/beck_

he asks her to marry him the day they graduate from hollywood arts and she says yes without a moment of hesitation, a rare smile gracing her face. they run away to vegas two weeks later and elope because his parents still don't like her and she's never wanted a big white wedding. she wears a black dress and he wears a white suit because he thinks it's ironic and she yells at the woman who says that wearing black on her wedding day is a bad idea and that it'll breed bad luck.

(she and beck have always played by their own rules and they aren't suddenly going to start conforming now).

he lands his first major movie role on their one year anniversary and they have sex in the rv for the last time because his first pay check is enough to secure a down payment on their first apartment. she cries when they pack up the last of his things and he knows better than to laugh at laugh because although she'd never admit it, she's always been a little sentimental.

(he moved into the rv to get away from his parents when they kept telling him to dump her and yeah, she'll always associate that stupid rv with beck choosing her).

she writes, directs and stars in indie films and slowly builds up a loyal fanbase and after five years of constant work, she decides to break into the music industry because tori vega is a famous singer and she wants to finally prove that she's better than the brunette. beck goes from strength to strength in his acting career and then he's nominated for an academy award but she can't make it to the ceremony because she's on the other side of the world doing some promotions for her latest album.

and then he can't make it to their eighth wedding anniversary dinner because filming runs late and she misses his birthday because she's in the middle of writing her latest album and before they know it, they haven't seen each other in person for over four months and this isn't the way she thought their marriage would go.

his lawyer passes divorce papers to her lawyer on their tenth wedding anniversary but neither of them remember the importance of the date. she signs without a moment of hesitation, already late for a guest appearance on ellen. he signs the next day and after ten years of marriage, _beckandjadeoliver _no longer exist.

they release a joint statement a week after the papers have been filed and they talk about their relationship briefly on talk shows, saying that the two of them had just grown apart and sadness fills jade when she realizes that it's actually the truth.

there were no explosive fights or screaming matches. she didn't catch him cheating and throw her wedding ring at his head in anger. she didn't fall in love with one of her co-stars and fly out to see beck to tell him that she was sorry but she just didn't love him anymore. the end of them just slowly crept up on the two of them and neither of them realized quick enough to put a stop to the distance that was slowly strangling their relationship.

it's the worst ending she could have ever imagined for the two of them.

and a month after they're officially over, she takes off her wedding ring and places it on a chain around her neck so that he'll always be close to her heart because she's jade west and she'll never stop loving beck oliver.

(and she burns her black wedding dress too because maybe that woman was right and if that's not closure, she doesn't know what is).


End file.
